January 2012
1 post
“…and as I’m diving behind a metal dumpster beneath a hail of bullets...”
Jan 4th
2 notes
September 2010
6 posts
“… the donkey was a little noisy and I’ve never seen that many...”
Sep 14th
2 notes
“… but, his make-up artist did such an incredible job that the old lady...”
Sep 12th
4 notes
“…and I don’t care how many tours of duty the guy served in Vietnam -...”
Sep 11th
1 note
“… I know she’s my mother, but I can’t bring myself to tell...”
Sep 10th
1 note
“… I know it was a little excessive, but the rest stop bathroom has never...”
Sep 9th
1 note
“…and it’s not like the toilet wasn’t 5 feet away. Regardless,...”
Sep 8th
4 notes
August 2010
1 post
“…and the wedding party is screaming and crying like it’s the first...”
Aug 6th
8 notes
July 2010
2 posts
“… and I hugged a couple whales with my nuts.”
Jul 19th
3 notes
“… and now the iPad is all sticky and my car smells like I drove it through...”
Jul 6th
3 notes
June 2010
7 posts
“… but, once you add a little bit of lemon juice, you can barely tell...”
Jun 29th
2 notes
rachelbennett-deactivated201210 asked: Are all of these purely hypothetical?
Jun 29th
“… and the worst part is that his teeth weren’t even real gold. The...”
Jun 27th
1 note
“… so, the moral of the story is this: if somebody ever offers you...”
Jun 26th
6 notes
“… anyway, that talking squirrel was totally crazy - the duplex-er addition...”
Jun 25th
3 notes
“… and then the clown just rolled off on the unicycle without even thanking...”
Jun 17th
9 notes
“… and I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I’ll never get tired of...”
Jun 14th
3 notes
May 2010
25 posts
“… and then the guy starts prattling on about the time he spent in prison...”
May 29th
4 notes
“… and I obviously didn’t set out to contract tetanus, but that was...”
May 27th
5 notes
“I don’t care how confident you are in your skills as a chemist, I’m...”
May 27th
6 notes
“… and then he gets all huffy and decides he wants to back out of the deal....”
May 27th
5 notes
“… and then he tells me “it’s decommissioned”. Like...”
May 26th
4 notes
“Maybe the guy needed a hearing aid, but I can’t see how he could have...”
May 26th
1 note
I'd Make a Karmic Reference Here if I Knew Any.
If this blog makes you chuckle and you feel like sharing it, I kindly invite you to recommend it to other Tumblr folk! Think of it as a charitable act you can perform with one hand and without leaving your chair.
May 21st
1 note
“… but I still got a great deal on the pants and the guy at the clothing...”
May 21st
9 notes
“… yeah, but it’s not like the car wasn’t insured or anything....”
May 21st
3 notes
“… and if I ever see those frilly scissors again, you’ll have much...”
May 15th
2 notes
“… and then he started yelling at me about Vietnam and conspiracies. He...”
May 15th
9 notes
“… unless you keep your Bowie knife razor sharp, three-of-a-kind is a...”
May 6th
2 notes
ifeltforsurelastnight asked: Can we submit what we've heard? How?
May 5th
1 note
“… yeah, well call me after you’ve watched the love of your life...”
May 5th
3 notes
“… and then all 55 gallons of it comes spilling out all over the floor. It...”
May 4th
2 notes
“… and then he took a big chunk of skin off of my face while I was trying...”
May 4th
“… and he opened it with his only tooth.”
May 4th
2 notes
“… I’m not proud of it either, but the cops were after me and we both...”
May 4th
1 note
“… and until you’ve actually had to fight your way out of a crowded...”
May 3rd
3 notes
“… and, after all, every man has a price and handing $40 to the security...”
May 3rd
1 note
“… the wild boar put up a real fight and I’m pretty sure I broke a...”
May 3rd
6 notes
“… and between the way the lawn darts were arranged and the fact that I can...”
May 2nd
2 notes
“… I’ll be honest, I always thought elephant meat would be all...”
May 2nd
1 note
“… man, that was a parole hearing nobody’s going to forget anytime...”
May 2nd
1 note
“… and that was how we lost Brutus. Needless to say, we went shoe shopping...”
May 2nd
1 note
“… and if you had the slightest bit of sense, I wouldn’t be...”
May 1st
7 notes
Administrative Note (Not Funny)
A bunch of new followers have shown up, so I wanted to say hello. Hello :) I added an ‘About’ page for this site; the link is at the top. That’s all. Thanks for reading.
May 1st
“… it was as if he had filled a water balloon liquid nitrogen and decided...”
May 1st
1 note
April 2010
21 posts
“… and the guy’s acting like he can’t live without the last jar...”
Apr 30th
1 note
“… now I have this huge blue stain on the leg of my dress pants and my...”
Apr 30th
1 note
“… I guess the doctor thought he said “hypothalamus”....”
Apr 29th
1 note
“… so I spent the next 3 hours plucking shards of glass out of my own head...”
Apr 29th
2 notes
“… I know he’s your brother, but the whisky costs like $200 a bottle...”
Apr 29th
2 notes