January 2012
1 post
“…and as I’m diving behind a metal dumpster beneath a hail of bullets...”
September 2010
6 posts
“… the donkey was a little noisy and I’ve never seen that many...”
“… but, his make-up artist did such an incredible job that the old lady...”
“…and I don’t care how many tours of duty the guy served in Vietnam -...”
“… I know she’s my mother, but I can’t bring myself to tell...”
“… I know it was a little excessive, but the rest stop bathroom has never...”
“…and it’s not like the toilet wasn’t 5 feet away. Regardless,...”
August 2010
1 post
“…and the wedding party is screaming and crying like it’s the first...”
July 2010
2 posts
“… and I hugged a couple whales with my nuts.”
“… and now the iPad is all sticky and my car smells like I drove it through...”
June 2010
7 posts
“… but, once you add a little bit of lemon juice, you can barely tell...”
rachelbennett asked: Are all of these purely hypothetical?
“… and the worst part is that his teeth weren’t even real gold. The...”
“… so, the moral of the story is this: if somebody ever offers you...”
“… anyway, that talking squirrel was totally crazy - the duplex-er addition...”
“… and then the clown just rolled off on the unicycle without even thanking...”
“… and I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I’ll never get tired of...”
May 2010
25 posts
“… and then the guy starts prattling on about the time he spent in prison...”
“… and I obviously didn’t set out to contract tetanus, but that was...”
“I don’t care how confident you are in your skills as a chemist, I’m...”
“… and then he gets all huffy and decides he wants to back out of the deal....”
“… and then he tells me “it’s decommissioned”. Like...”
“Maybe the guy needed a hearing aid, but I can’t see how he could have...”
I'd Make a Karmic Reference Here if I Knew Any.
If this blog makes you chuckle and you feel like sharing it, I kindly invite you to recommend it to other Tumblr folk! Think of it as a charitable act you can perform with one hand and without leaving your chair.
“… but I still got a great deal on the pants and the guy at the clothing...”
“… yeah, but it’s not like the car wasn’t insured or anything....”
“… and if I ever see those frilly scissors again, you’ll have much...”
“… and then he started yelling at me about Vietnam and conspiracies. He...”
“… unless you keep your Bowie knife razor sharp, three-of-a-kind is a...”
ifeltforsurelastnight asked: Can we submit what we've heard? How?
“… yeah, well call me after you’ve watched the love of your life...”
“… and then all 55 gallons of it comes spilling out all over the floor. It...”
“… and then he took a big chunk of skin off of my face while I was trying...”
“… and he opened it with his only tooth.”
“… I’m not proud of it either, but the cops were after me and we both...”
“… and until you’ve actually had to fight your way out of a crowded...”
“… and, after all, every man has a price and handing $40 to the security...”
“… the wild boar put up a real fight and I’m pretty sure I broke a...”
“… and between the way the lawn darts were arranged and the fact that I can...”
“… I’ll be honest, I always thought elephant meat would be all...”
“… man, that was a parole hearing nobody’s going to forget anytime...”
“… and that was how we lost Brutus. Needless to say, we went shoe shopping...”
“… and if you had the slightest bit of sense, I wouldn’t be...”
Administrative Note (Not Funny)
A bunch of new followers have shown up, so I wanted to say hello. Hello :)
I added an ‘About’ page for this site; the link is at the top.
That’s all. Thanks for reading.
“… it was as if he had filled a water balloon liquid nitrogen and decided...”
April 2010
21 posts
“… and the guy’s acting like he can’t live without the last jar...”
“… now I have this huge blue stain on the leg of my dress pants and my...”
“… I guess the doctor thought he said “hypothalamus”....”
“… so I spent the next 3 hours plucking shards of glass out of my own head...”
“… I know he’s your brother, but the whisky costs like $200 a bottle...”