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… and then the clown just rolled off on the unicycle without even thanking me or offering to get me more horseradish.
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… and I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I’ll never get tired of throwing up at that bar.
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… and then the guy starts prattling on about the time he spent in prison and ends up having a stroke right there at the podium. It totally sucked, but whatever - free tote bag.
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… and I obviously didn’t set out to contract tetanus, but that was the most persuasive barber I’ve ever met in my life.
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I don’t care how confident you are in your skills as a chemist, I’m not touching a moose’s ass and that’s final.
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… and then he gets all huffy and decides he wants to back out of the deal. Something about having “standards” and chafing, I think.
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… and then he tells me “it’s decommissioned”. Like that’s supposed to clean up the puddle at my feet or bring my hamster back.
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Maybe the guy needed a hearing aid, but I can’t see how he could have thought I said ‘dirigible’.
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I’d Make a Karmic Reference Here if I Knew Any.
If this blog makes you chuckle and you feel like sharing it, I kindly invite you to recommend it to other Tumblr folk! Think of it as a charitable act you can perform with one hand and without leaving your chair.
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… but I still got a great deal on the pants and the guy at the clothing store went home thinking he’d just met Bob Dylan.
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… yeah, but it’s not like the car wasn’t insured or anything. Besides, sometimes you simply must have extra gravy.
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… and if I ever see those frilly scissors again, you’ll have much bigger problems than a swollen ankle, your honor!
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… and then he started yelling at me about Vietnam and conspiracies. He eventually gave me the milkshake - but his manager looked pissed.
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… unless you keep your Bowie knife razor sharp, three-of-a-kind is a worthless hand at this table.
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ifeltforsurelastnight asked: Can we submit what we've heard? How?
Hmm, I hadn’t really considered it. I’ll enable submissions for this blog and see what you guys come up with. Just know that I reserve the right to post some/all/none of the submissions I get :)
